OC Weekly
In a world filled with girls who want to look the same, one must veer from the oft-trodden path of emaciated, factory-stamped, bi-curious blond bimbos to find a woman unlike any other. Enter the sassy strutters and kicking butters of the burlesque (heels!) and derby girl (wheels!) scenes—gals who shatter both body stereotypes and noses, proving that sexy comes in more colors than a Puerto Rican prom dress.
These bodacious and battle-worn babes continue to revitalize and reinvent their time-honored art forms, and in a world in which kitsch and camp are often in short supply, they are solid proof that marketing geniuses can, indeed, come wrapped in fishnets.
BRIK WALL
WHEELS! Origin: Hits girls like a ton of you-know-what, and then laughs. Status: Co-captain of the OC Crushers and so adored by fans that she has her own “I [Heart] Brik Wall” tees. Sexiest apparel: “Boycut undies, if you’re rocking them the right way.” Best derby night: Once hit a jammer so hard the gal flew up into the air and popped her collarbone when she landed. “I felt bad, but it was pretty hot.” Celebrity crush: Adam Sandler. Burlesque alter-ego would be: Hot Chocolate—“with marshmallows.” Turn-off: Limited wardrobe. “If on date three, you’re wearing the same thing you wore on date one, it’s no bueno.”
DIRTY DEBORAH HARRY
WHEELS! Origin: Love child of her two namesakes. Status: Known as the “jammer assassin” and creator of the Psycho Ex-Girlfriends. Former claim to fame: Competitive figure skater. Mantra: “I don’t get hurt; I hurt other people.” Longs for: The days when kids and dogs could ride in the back of pickup trucks on the freeway. Best prop: “My ass.” Best move: Once hit a girl so hard that girl flew off the track, through the double auditorium doors and landed in the parking lot. Burlesque alter-ego would be: Mae West. Most-devoted fans: “Little girls who only have slutty, pole-dancing Hannah Montana princesses to idolize until they see us and realize they can be powerful.” Sexiest food/drink: “Booze. Who cares about food?” Turn-off: “Him living with his mom . . . and liking it.”
DISCO DERVISH
WHEELS! Origin: Born with a mirror-ball rattle in her hand. Status: Founder, OC Roller Girls. Mantra: Cheeky, not slutty. Turned on to derby after: Seeing a roller girl lift up her skirt, blow kisses to the audience and leave with a bloody nose at the end of the night. Best props: Corsets and red wigs. Favorite Valentines’s Day: “In third grade, there was this boy who’d chase me around, and he bought me this little card and some bubble bath—that’s when guys said, ‘I love you’ pretty fast!” Turn-on: Brains.
WHEELS! Origin: Austin Powers fembot. Status: Fresh meat—first bout last September with the Crash Test Bunnies. Favorite uniform: Fishnets, thigh-high socks, garters and a mini derby skirt. Feelings about love: Owns a T-shirt that reads, “Cupid is a Rat Bastard.” Perfect derby night: “Make the winning score after knocking someone into the announcers’ table and walk out with my fishnets unripped.” Perfect Valentine’s Day gift: Heritage Softail Harley-Davidson. Best reply to a pick-up line: “I once told a guy I was a female impersonator. He didn’t believe me, so I pointed at my feet, and he ran off. My size 10s saved me.” Sexiest food: A Carl’s Jr. Western Bacon Cheeseburger—“if you can eat it while riding a mechanical bull.” Turn-off: Guys who don’t “manscape.”
Comments